How to (ad)dress an elephant

We've all been in the situation where something has everyone feeling awkward, everyone is trying to ignore it but the "thing" or issue has gone so far that it is just too hard to avoid, although everyone continues to try.

Enter the proverbial elephant.

"Elephant in the room" is an English idiom for an obvious truth that is being ignored or goes unaddressed. The idiomatic expression also applies to an obvious problem or risk no one wants to discuss.

It is based on the idea that an elephant in a room would be impossible to overlook; thus, people in the room who pretend the elephant is not there have chosen to concern themselves with tangential or small and irrelevant issues rather than deal with the looming big one. - Wikipedia

So how do you deal with the elephant in your midst?

If the situation centres around yourself and continued avoidence by those around you is creating such an unconfortable atmosphere that your social group or working environment is unplesant then my recommendation is to tackle that elephant head on. Everyone knows it's there but are just unwilling to look right in its eyes. Now, anyone who has been face to face with a wild elephant knows that the first thing you want to do is run from it, but this could really p*ss it off. Instead, acknowdleging you are facing an elephant and watching it calmly can often diffuse a very dangerous situation.

You may want to be tactful to start with but if thats not getting through to people then push them right in front of that elephant:

"Finally, whilst we're all here, does anyone want to discuss the huge pink elephant tap dancing in the middle of the board room?"

OK. So your elephant may be the plain old grey type, you may be brave enough to name it Dumbo, or like me you may want to make people laugh and relax enough to open up and discuss the situation with a line like the above. However you do it, do it. Don't let something that could be solved by forcing people to talk about it get you down.

Social media lets us share when we can't be there

My best friend from primary school is getting married in 6 weeks and I am so happy for her. After we went to different secondary schools and she moved further into the city we stopped seeing so much of each other, and then we didn’t see each other at all. It’s a sad fact of life that these things happen. But! We found each other again on Facebook and now I get to read her excited posts about planning for the wedding, practicing her new signature and breaking in her wedding shoes in the office.

I’ve even linked with her sister and Mom so know that the whole family is really excited, which makes me excited too. I won’t be at the wedding but I get to enjoy hearing about my friend living out our childhood fantasies. Her father is a Vicar so church services were often in our imaginary play box of tricks. But like most little girls we loved to play weddings in the vicarage garden. My friend’s sister would often play the vicar and, with my sister there, we would take turns to be bride, bridesmaid and groom (if no suitable Ken doll was available!), often with some net curtain as a veil.

I can’t wait to see pictures of the wedding and that is the beauty of social media. It brings people together and allows them to share in moments, like weddings, which they might not otherwise be able to attend. It’s not practical to invite everyone to your wedding, 60^th birthday party, christening or child’s birth and not everyone invited will be able to attend either. But social media allows us to involve more people and be more integrated.

So for my best friend from Emmer Green Primary I share a few memories:

Sleepovers at her house having movie marathons, camped out on the floor of the living room.

The PURPLE girls society.

Fancy dress parties for my birthday including Alice in Wonderland and the Ugly Bug Ball.

The Waltons.

Social media and employment: do you have a right to freedom of speech?

There’s a lot of conversation going on regarding employee/employer rights regarding social media, what you can and can’t say privately and publically online and how employers should react. Many see this as covering several issues including free speech, privacy rights, discrimination and harassment.

Different countries have different guidelines depending on the law. In the US the National Labour Relations Act states (reference Maggie McGary’s blog):

While employers are permitted to lay out policies as to what employees may blog about in relation to work, employers cannot fashion policies that have the effect of chilling an employee's exercise of his or her Section 7 rights, nor can employers discipline employees for blogging about "wages, hours, or terms or conditions of employment," such as the company's pay scale or vacation policy. See Timekeeping Sys., Inc., 323 N.L.R.B. 244 (1997).

Essentially, an employer cannot stop you from exercising your right to free speech. However, and this applies to the UK, if an employee makes derogatory remarks about an employer or thecompany on their blog or social media profile, libel proceedings can be brought against the employee. If these comments were damaging to the employer or company, the employer could discipline and dismiss the employee regardless of the contract of employment as all employees have implied terms of trust and confidence. This is often covered and clarified in the employers Company Handbook available to all employees.

Equally, if harassment or bullying of employees is occurring online through social media then employers should have a harassment policy that clearly covers this in the Company Handbook.

So, if you resign and your company asks you not to discuss your resignation or new job on your social media profiles until you have served your notice period to avoid clients finding out unofficially and to maintain moral in the office do you have to comply?

No.

Would you want to comply?

Maybe, especially if it makes the transition process easier and less awkward.

But think:

Is your social media site of choice public (Twitter) or as private as you can make it (Facebook with all the highest privacy settings)? It’s probably not best to broadcast your news on Twitter which will show up in search engine listings unless you really don’t care what the effect may be.

Are you linked to any clients, shareholders, colleagues on your profile? Chances are with FB you only link with friends and family. If any of those friends are colleagues you would hope they know about your new job and are happy for you. They possible relish the idea of being able to congratulate you on FB rather than in the office where not everyone may be happy you are departing.

Finally, what if a non work friend posts on your profile? Your employer cannot restrict your freedom of speech or censor you so equally they cannot restrict your friends. Only if comments are libel or defamatory can your employer take things further.

Use common sense though. If you’ve signed an NDA or contract don’t say anything that you know you shouldn’t. If you get a funny feeling when you about to post and submit and start doubting yourself, chances are you shouldn’t make that post. And never burn your bridges, you never know what the future holds and may regret slagging off your employer over Twitter.

You have a choice but so does your employer in how they react to social media commentary.

NB. I am not a lawyer but there is plenty of legal advice out there around this issue. Just search Google and you will find a wealth of legal advice and HR information.